Abraham and Mary Lincoln: A House Divided, The Closer, 1,000 Ways To Die

Abraham and Mary Lincoln: A House Divided, 10 p.m., PBS

“Opposition to the Civil War rises; Mary plunges into debt.” Listen, I can totally relate to this. Running an unpopular can put a lot of stress on a marriage – I can see where Mary would try and alleviate her angst by going on a shopping spree. I would bet you dollars to donuts that Michelle Obama is ringing up our friends at QVC on a nightly basis these days.

The Closer, 9 p.m., TNT

After last week’s extremely mediocre episode, we are so excited about this: “Trying to earn money by serving papers for a lawyer, Flynn and Provenza land in hot water when a man is killed minutes after they serve him.” Nothing is better than when Flynn and Provenza get in trouble together while on one of their escapades.

1,000 Ways To Die, 10 p.m., SpikeTV

“Stalker gets smoked out; football fanatic goes down in bar fight; tomb raider goes crazy.” Just another Monday …